Tuesday, September 18, 2012
"Declined.....ummmm declined again....John it didn't go through!!!". Yep that was me little Ms. RN with all the big money having my debit card declined at the freaking nail salon. Really why me I asked my self why me. Well maybe because I didn't have any money,obviously, and the nail salon isn't where I should be lol. That moment brought me back to another time I was declined at Sonic withMady attempting to get a drink before we headed home. I was like look sir idk why my card isn't working I can leave you a check and bring it back my daughter had pretty much drank her whole drink...ok no problem. Really??!! Ok off I rush to get money to pay them Madysen says really mom your card didnt go through. Why not???! It always goes through. That little girl of mine true Diva. Thinking of that moment and how innocent Madysens question was why not mom it always goes through I really didn't have the words to make her understand.....it made me think of how God feels right now when I ask him day in and out Why did you take my only daughter from me my love the glue to our family why didn't she make it she always makes it when she's having a hard time breathing. Why not this time. Hes trying to make me understand by showing me different things I know he is but at this very moment I just don't get it. I just have to believe that he will never hurt me and continue to trust him which is hard I'm not going to sit here and say Im not mad at God sometimes because I am. My heart is broken and I don't know WHY??!! But.....just like my baby girl trusted her momma to fix the problem so she could have her lemonade with Fanta orange lol I have to trust that God will fix my broken heart. He loves me waaaayyy more than I could ever love Mady. So I have to keep going and doing what I need to do because I don't want to get to the gates of Heaven and hear DECLINED!!!! Because if I know my daughter she will say why momma why didn't you make it???!! By then it will be too late.