Celebrating Mady's Homegoing

Celebrating Mady's Homegoing
At Madysens Homegoing Tasha..Dot..Me..Enoch (my nephew)

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

A Fathers Love........

Joe and I were recently asked to answer questions about how support from family and friends has affected our marriage in a positive or negative manner..... It was CRAZY!!! Well crazy in a good way. It is really hard for us, well me to express my feelings about Madys death. Its like my brain just wont go there, but then it goes there all the time and I'm like OMG I cant cry all day again today. Anyway it was perfect that I went and gave my thoughts one day and then Joe and I came back so he could give his thoughts. All I can say is my husband LOOOOVVVVEEESSS his baby girl. Just sitting there hearing him talk about her and how much he misses her I was unable to stop the tears from running down my face. He just jumps right in with.... " I love my daughter so much, and I cant believe shes gone.....it was so crazy how everything went down, it just doesn't feel real." He basically was saying all the things that I feel, because it is crazy, but because I wont let myself go there I never knew my sunshine felt the same way as me. I think as a mother we feel that our pain is the worse its like I carried that baby for 9 months KNOW one feels the pain in their heart like I do!!!! But to hear my husband who is this big strong man break down and say I miss my daughter, she was the glue to our family, I would give anything to hear her voice, or hug her. I wanted to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I wanted her brothers and I to scare away any boys who came around. Then he goes on to say she thought I was everything. She thought daddy was superman!!! She always ate the food I cooked, she was just everything and I miss her. I can still see her face as I gave her CPR that night. Then of course I truly lost it, because as strong as I think I am and as many times as I have given CPR I don't know if I could have that picture burned in my memory forever, and even though he does, he keeps all that in and worries if I am doing ok. His classic statement is "I have to be strong for my wife!" I love that man!!!

For God so Loved the world that He gave His ONLY son.........I don't think you truly process that statement until you have a lost your baby. Its like why would anyone give up their only child for the world?? It just makes the verse that much more meaningful to me.

Everyday is a struggle and I honestly don't think my brain has fully processed the fact that Mady is gone, and I wont get to hug her kiss her full lips or hear her raspy voice, but knowing that my father in Heaven has been down this road with his ONLY son helps keep me sane.

 Finally the support from family and friends has been SUPERIOR!!